A Worthy Rival or a Competitor
Awkward doesn’t cover it. I used to think, “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” meant the same thing. That was, until I said, “I apologize” at a funeral. Okay, that’s a terrible joke (but wonderful dad-joke), but it makes the point that not all synonyms are completely interchangeable! Sinek doesn’t focus on old jokes, but he does challenge us to distinguish between “competitors” and “worthy rivals” when we’re talking about someone you're up against in business, fitness, writing, or whatever area your Infinite Game takes you!
Calling someone your competitor often slips into a scoreboard mentality: beat them, take their slice, win the round. But Simon Sinek, in The Infinite Game, flips that with the idea of a "worthy rival." A worthy rival isn't an enemy to crush. It's someone – or some organization – who does one or more things better than you right now. Their strengths light up your weaknesses, not to humiliate you, but to show you a path forward. You don't try to defeat them; you study them strategically, pick them on purpose, and use what you see to get a little better at staying in the game longer.
Of course, not everything is an infinite game, though. Sometimes the stakes are zero-sum: only one job offer, one grant, one spot in the deal where losing means you're out and can't keep playing. In those spots, yeah, you compete hard to win that round. You push, protect your position, secure what lets you continue. That's not betraying the infinite mindset – it's defending your ability to stay in the bigger, ongoing game. The problem comes when we treat every interaction like it's make-or-break, like the whole point is beating the other guy. That drains you fast and misses the real opportunity. The biggest risk I see is that it’s much easier to lose sight of the Infinite Game and slip into “ethical fading” when every challenge is treated as a finite game.
Learning from Others to Keep Getting Better
Most of life – building a career, relationships, health, creative work – doesn't have a final whistle. The goal isn't to come out on top forever; it's to keep showing up, keep improving. That's where worthy rivals become useful teachers instead of threats.
The humility part is what makes this work. Picking someone ahead in an area you care about forces you to admit you're not the best at everything. Uncomfortable? Sure. Freeing? Definitely. Jordan Peterson puts it bluntly: when you expect to win at something and fall short, it hurts because it proves two hard truths. One, you didn't understand yourself as well as you thought – your self-image was off. Two, you weren't as equipped or capable in that area as you assumed. Both require real humility to face without excuses or blame. You accept the feedback, update what you know about yourself, and adapt. You are forced to become a new person, even if only slightly. That’s kind of the definition of “growth”, isn’t it?!
That's exactly the attitude a worthy rival invites. Their edge reveals your gaps. Instead of getting defensive or bitter, humility lets you say, "Okay, that's a blind spot. What can I learn?" No pretending you're already there. Just quiet acknowledgment and a small shift.
Sinek points to several athletes who share this same mindset. What great examples of playing both the finite and the infinite game! No professional athlete would ever consider losing intentionally or falling short. I'm sure, we've all heard of athletes, business owners, entrepreneurs and employees who have refused to share their secrets. I expect you might even have a "Great Aunt" who has a recipe she won't share! However, if the goal is to improve the game, satisfy the fans, increase the value in an endeavor, mentor a friend, develop greater skills, and break down silos, the focus shifts from finite to infinite and from solely self-interest to a Just Cause.
I work with a lot of really smart, ambitious, innovative, and creative people. It’s easy to get caught in the trap of hoarding information, feeling “small”, and even being annoyed with their progress. I know I’m not alone in this–there’s drama even among engineers! The real risk is letting that initial sting turn into envy or resentment, which shuts down learning. Instead, notice it and redirect toward curiosity: What specific things are they doing better? Admiration for their strengths keeps me open to growth; envy closes the door.
An important transition occurs with a change of mindset. This change of perspective doesn’t even have to be mutual! As long as I consider these folks as “worthy rivals”, I don’t have to be jealous, envious, or even annoyed with their expertise; I have much I can learn from them. I will get better, as long as I’m willing to learn from them.
Regularly Study a Worthy Rival
Sinek encourages the practice of regularly studying your worthy rivals. Here are some steps to guide the process:
- Choose someone or some organization that does one or many things better than you in an area that matters. You get to pick them; they don't have to be in your exact field, and you don't need to like them overall—just respect what they do well.
- List three concrete strengths you observe, no exaggeration or judgment, just clear facts.
- Then select one aspect to experiment with in your own approach.
Try it for a couple of weeks, adapt it to fit your context, and see what shifts. Some experiments feel clunky at first; others click quickly and reveal real improvement. The point is consistent, humble observation leading to better process—not perfection or imitation.
Consistency and the Long Game
Who's ahead of you right now in an area you care about? What's one strength you notice? What gaps do you need to close? What would be valuable to learn?
This isn't about becoming someone else or copying blindly. It's about getting clearer on who you are, closing gaps one at a time, and staying in the game longer. Over months, those little adjustments add up without burning you out.
This keeps the focus on long-term improvement, as Sinek puts it: worthy rivals inspire an attitude of getting better, not just winning. To me, that sounds like Aiming Up!
